ROB, 28 Lively
Please be aware that this interview may cause distress to some readers. If you experience distress then please seek assistance and lean on your support networks.
How are you feeling?
I am smiley as you can tell; it’s good as it’s pulled me out of my home to come out here today which has been good. I like coming out to the city and seeing the sights, living a life away from my hole. I’m okay, which is good because I wasn’t the last few days. Lots of things have been happening with me, so it’s good to chill and hang out with a friend.
Can you tell me about your journey with mental health so far?
It started when I was a teenager. I didn’t know what was wrong with me at the time. I had my suspicions there was something not quite right. I was quite a nervous, shy kid at school, and at times tried to come out of my shell and mingle with other people, but it felt unnatural to me. I’d give all my energy to stay on par with others in conversation. Eventually it became too much and I’d go into my shell where I was comfortable again. I guess, I realised there was something wrong with me in my early to mid-twenties. I had bad anxiety, to the point of heart palpitations requiring a heart monitor to check what was going on. I realised I was getting anxiety before going to work because I was scared of having to make small talk with my colleagues. I’m not a fan of, and in the past have felt awkward when others were laughing and chirping away happily, whereas I was feeling uncomfortable with the situation, just wanting to get on with my job and go home. Things have improved a lot in recent years, my anxiety is pretty much gone, I would say. My anxiety led to me feeling depressed. I couldn’t fit into society like normal people, or so I felt, like normal people could. It’s a work in progress; it’s the sort of depression I need to keep plugging away at. My time will come where I thrive, be myself, and enjoy life to the maximum.
Do you think you naturally had an anxious disposition?
I felt like people around me could see there was something wrong with me. I would get these looks of empathy, of them wanting to help me but not knowing how to. I wasn’t going to jump in and say “Hey guys, I have anxiety, don’t freak out around me”. I guess because I’m a shy person, I assumed that was why I was the way I was. It became apparent as the years went by though that something was wrong with me when the depression started setting in, as a result of my anxiety. Not feeling happy around others, feeling crap about myself, always feeling felt left out of conversations, and not being able to laugh and have fun like others. I consumed myself with hobbies, like tennis, but it felt like I was too serious in life. I didn’t know how to have fun, which bugged me. I think I’ve had to become an energetic person to try and make up for lost years.
Did you seek help once you realised the anxiety was prevalent?
I did, and the thing that struck me one day, was thinking when I was driving to work, feeling my heart going “boom boom boom”, and I thought, “Why am I feeling like this?” I’d realised I was feeling anxious about an event that had yet to happen, like arriving to work and having to engage in small talk with my colleagues. I eventually went to my doctor and to a heart clinic, and got a heart monitor. Afterwards, I saw my doctor, and understood something was wrong with me. I remember seeing an ad on TV about men’s mental health. Dr. Ironwood was a funny guy from the start. He had a comical view on mental health which caught my attention because he was funny, yet serious at the same time. He mentioned the symptoms, and I checked out the website, which had an anxiety and depression test. I remember sitting with my family having a laugh, thinking it was silly, and yet having it resonate with me. Like, “holy shit, this really hits a nerve.” When I checked it out, I realised there was something wrong with me. I went to see my doctor, the hardest part of which was telling her I thought I had anxiety and depression. I was waiting over an hour, stressing about what to tell her. I felt like a rambling idiot, and was unsure of what I was doing there. Obviously, mental health is a silent thing you can’t see it, so you can’t say, “Here, I have a massive bruise on my arm, someone whacked me with a hammer, help me out.”
How did you manage your heart palpitations?
I went to the heart clinic, and they put a heart monitor on me for 24 hours to track any irregularities. I went back to the doctor, and she said “There was nothing seriously bad”. I remember the first time I did a cardio tennis clinic. We wore heart monitors and it was pretty light exercise to me, not stressful on my body. My heart rate was over 200 beats per minute, and I thought, “Wow, that can’t be right, I must have a dodgy monitor”. The next time I did it, same thing, and I saw heart beats over 200, I wondered what was going on. Of course, now I know it was my anxiety. My first thought was “Holy crap, here comes the physical symptoms: The weakness in my arms, heart palpitations, that gut wrenching feeling in my stomach, and just an overall horrible feeling”. I recognise it’s coming on and there’s not much I can do in that moment. I can try and slow my breathing and relax. For the most part, I know I’m just going to have to sit it out, and let my mind and body come to its senses. I remember being really tense in my body, my arms in particular, clenching really tight to the point where they felt weak. I remember driving along with a heaviness in my arms, to the point where I struggled to hold onto the steering wheel. It sounds extreme, but that’s the best way to describe it. It’s like the blood is drained out of my arms, and I have no strength. This gut wrenching feeling inside of me is really hard to explain. It’s a horrible feeling, basically. Luckily, I found strategies to overcome it. First and foremost was getting off the anxiety medication. I came to the point where the anxiety and depression medication were fighting against each other. I had to get rid of one of them. I realised the anxiety is more manageable than the depression. I dropped the anxiety medication and stuck to the depression medication, and so was able to work towards getting better. It was better than being on two medications fighting against each other, making my brain going haywire.
Were you feeling ashamed at the time of what you were going through?
Not ashamed, I think I had a pretty good grasp on what I was going through. Shame only arrived when my family started to learn what I was going through. I tried to explain myself, and gauge how they’d react. My brother would sometimes joke to me to “Eat a mouthful of concrete”, and my dad thought I was absolutely bonkers when I said that I felt anxious sitting in the car with my brothers because I felt like I wasn’t engaging conversation on the drive to my mum’s house. I’d sit in the back and keep to myself. That was the extent my anxiety had taken control over me, and he thought I was absolutely crazy. “How could you feel anxious sitting beside your brothers?” he’d demand. I guess it shows how powerful mental health is.
How’s your relationship with your family now?
We live all over the place, my mum has also had mental health difficulties. I’ve never felt that she’s accepted it the way I have. It’s been tricky because I’ve tried to help her in the past, to improve her life, but it’s like she hasn’t let me. Things have backfired between us, so my relationship with my mum is up and down sometimes. I’ve had to let things slide. I hate to see her live the way she does, when I know she can do better. If I knew she’d take initiative that I do, I know she could be a lot better. My oldest brother and I have a very good relationship. Things have improved with my dad. He puts a lot of pressure on me, on the work front, which makes things difficult. It makes it feel like he just sees the need for me to have a job. He doesn’t consider the hard work getting to that state. He just gets frustrated that I don’t have a job, as though that’s the only thing that matters. Otherwise, I think things are more genuine with him. Being less agitated and angry has definitely helped. I can have a good casual conversation with him, talk about things, and not get frustrated at him after five minutes. It depends on how much contact we have with each other with certain personal situations in life. My sister lives in Sydney, so I don’t speak to her too much however, we’ve been speaking more lately because she’s had a baby about six months ago. She’s been keeping us updated on how it’s going which is really good, and my other brother comes and goes sometimes. He’s hard to deal with at the best of times because he’s quite angry, but I have a good bond with him. Our shared love of motorsport/motorbikes help, so it’s pretty good with him when I choose the right topics to talk about.
In terms of the relationship with your father, are you understanding of people without a mental illness not being supportive or do you believe they should be?
They don’t know what it’s like. I didn’t know what it was like for me, so how can someone else know what it’s like? I can understand that he thought I was being unreasonable, snappy, angry and non-cooperative at times. I think it would be great if people without a mental illness could understand what we are going through, but I don’t see how they can understand without knowing what people with mental illness know. Being in that situation or knowing someone that has gone through it in depth is difficult for everyone. I guess I couldn’t have done a better job explaining the symptoms of my medication to him. I was fully aware of what the medication was doing to me, making me really irritable, angry and agitated, and I felt that our relationship had already deteriorated to an extent where it was hard for me to talk about it with him. At the time I started the medications, I was living alone with my dad, and itching to move out of home. I’d been living my whole life at home, and by my mid- twenties, I struggled with depression and anxiety. Getting full time work and being financially independent was a struggle. I was frustrated with my life, being stuck at home, not moving forward, and I felt like I wasn’t living my own life, and my health was my main concern. I thought that how I came across to others wasn’t my fault, which was probably the wrong approach to take, but I was going through a tough time. Your only concern is yourself when you’re going through that, and it differs between everyone.
When you think of your support network who comes to mind for you?
The first person I think of is my oldest brother, Ben. He comes over most weekends. We chill out, play games, watch TV, visit our mum, walk the dog, eat junk food, and he calls me during the week to check up on me. He understands more than anyone else in my family what I’ve been through. That’s been really good and much appreciated. In the past, I’ve been afraid of meeting up with friends because I was worried about whether they wanted to hang out with me, or if I was good enough. Again, it was self-sabotaging thoughts that people don’t didn’t want to hang out with me. If I called or texted someone, and they said they didn’t want to hang out, I would freak out and start thinking “Oh shit, they don’t want to hang out with me, we’re no longer friends”. I would distance myself from them, which would make the situation a whole lot worse. And the next time they asked me out, I’d think, “Do they want to hang out with me or do they want to get something off me?”
You mentioned depression came along when you were a bit older?
It was probably the High school years but I didn’t see it as being an issue as such. The anxiety was more obvious. I felt lonely, left out, felt unable to make friends as easily as people around me. Even though in hindsight, I think I was actually pretty good, I could get along with basically anyone in my year level. At the same time, I felt nervous about socialising with others, feeling that I wasn’t good enough, that I wasn’t accepted. In the past I was shy, and was the shy kid who would keep to himself. Why would all these other sociable people want to hang out with me? I guess that’s the way I felt. In reality, I could get along with anyone, and people saw me in a better light then I saw myself. Self-sabotage in that regards.
When you are in that depressive state, what runs through your mind?
Phew, I tell you what, my mind just runs rampant. One thing I notice, is that when I get a depressive episode, where I have negative thoughts about myself, my mind reminds me of all the different other negative things about myself to bring me down. It’s really bizarre, things from the past from years ago that were long forgotten, would all of a sudden come to my mind. “These are really bad, you should think badly about yourself because of this and that”. It tries to take my mind with it, there is no one overriding thought, all these negative memories just flood back. I know that when it comes on, I must stop it before it takes control. I can’t overstate how amazing cognitive behaviour therapy has been for me, thank you to my psychologist for that.
Do you find you get more Depression or Anxiety nowadays?
Definitely depression. Pretty much, the anxiety has gone. I think that was due to social anxiety, not knowing how to join in, and small talk. Nowadays, I understand you don’t have to talk all the time, you can be chill. Oftentimes I talk too much. Nowadays, I have too much energy for people. I think I’m trying to make up for lost years, and lost interactions with friends and family. In terms of depression, it’s hard to know what triggers it. It comes about sometimes which isn’t great, you obviously want to be in control, but it doesn’t always let you. It’s very life situational for me; if my work life is good, if I get lots of interviews, and my dating life is good then that’s great. I’m at my best when I’ve been chatting well with people, going on dates, and feel like I’m progressing towards a normal existence. When those things aren’t happening, that’s when I start to feel down. They are the two main contributing factors to my depression and anxiety, and has limited me from having what other people have. It’s a need to fit into society, and do what you’re supposed to do. Now I know I should pick my own path. Whatever makes you happy, whatever gets you by, is what you should strive for. Working and having good relationships, those are the things that were lacking in my life. Ultimately, how those things are going dictates my mood.
In terms of seeking help, what assisted you other than your doctor?
Don’t get me started on medication. I did start seeing a psychologist shortly after I went to that doctor. When I went to the doctor she put me on a mental health plan, and set me up with a psychologist who has been my one and only psychologist for two to three years now. It has been absolutely fantastic, she’s provided me with all kinds of coping strategies. After a couple of months of seeing her, she suggested that I think about trying depression medication. I thought, “Sure, why not? I’ve taken medication in the past for other things, what’s the harm?” If I had known more about the medication, I wouldn’t have gone on it. During the first days I took the medication, I’d go to work with a stupid smile on my face, and I just felt happy. I thought, “This feels okay, this is trippy, but I can handle this.” With the medication, it was a battle between the anxiety and depression medication. The depression medication would lift my mood and give me more energy, but that would exacerbate my anxiety and make me really stressed. It was a constant battle between the doses of the two medications. I never felt like I was in control, and it was taking over my mood, which unfortunately deteriorated some of my relationships with my family, especially with my dad, who wasn’t very understanding about my mental illness. All the medication, at times, made me irritable, angry and impatient, which definitely affected my family to a degree which I could not have foreseen. I wasn’t really informed about any side effects from the medication.
From when you were on the medication to when you were off how did the feelings differ?
Initially, the anxiety was the main issue, as I had heart palpitations before arriving at work. In such moments, it’s good to take the medications, because they calm me. I can’t remember what it was like before medications, which is strange. When I think about the present, I’m a lot better, now, and can describe myself as functional. Before then, I was constantly in a state of worry, to the point of physically feeling weak in my body. The gut wrenching feeling within me was the worst part of it. The fact that it physically affected me, as well as mentally. Before, just being nervous and over thinking everything, and being aware of the symptoms. During those moments, I’d be able to calm my nerves, which the medication certainly helped with. I think constant irritation and getting snappy was the worst part of it. I felt like I had no control, and I was in my own world. I couldn’t survive, is the best way to describe it.
As of today, you’re now off anti-depressants how do you feel?
Relief that I don’t have to take a pill in the morning. There have been times I have forgotten, and I have been sick, nauseous and dizzy as a result. Ask me in a week or so. I’ve gradually come down and noticed the last few weeks I’ve been getting headaches from withdrawal symptoms. I think I’m heading in the direction I want to so that is the main thing to be happy about I guess. I can’t deal with all these pills I’ve had to take these last few years anymore. Especially the backwards and forwards battle, changing doses with my doctor. My doctor and I never seem to truly agree on a dose that is the right course of action but finally, hopefully fingers crossed next time I see him he doesn’t tell me to get back on them. I refuse to take them if he does. It’s good to have that behind me now; I can go back to concerning myself about more important things than whether I have taken my medicine in the morning at the right dose.
When you first arrived at the psychologist’s office what were you feeling in that moment?
I’m smiling now because it’s funny. You’d think I would have been really anxious/nervous, as I’ve mentioned before; going to the doctors not knowing what to say. After that meeting, it felt like having a weight lifted from me because I let it out. I guess going to the psychologist seemed kind of cool, as I’m treating an issue many people leave untreated. Lots of people would think “Oh stuff it, it’s too shameful to accept this is a problem”. Except, this is a problem. When I was speaking to the psychologist, I was opening up about my life in a lot of depth, and on a very personal level. I guess some are very open, which didn’t bother me as much, even though I was very hesitant to tell my family about it. I remember the first few months seeing my psychologist, I would leave home to go to my appointment and my dad would ask “Where are you off to?” And I would just say “Um, just going out for a bit”. I didn’t want him to know what I was doing. I didn’t want his opinions to complicate matters; I wanted to see what the psychologist thought of my situation first. During the first few sessions, I didn’t know what to expect. I just went with it, and soon felt very comfortable with her. Maybe that’s a testament to who my psychologist is.
Do you have any other techniques to get out of an anxious and depressive state?
Stay busy. You can’t be anxious and stressed if you don’t have time to be. One thing I’ve loved doing over the past few years is finding new hobbies that keeps life interesting for me. A couple of years ago I started taking boxing and cardio sessions, and I’ve learnt to ride a motorbike, which was really cool. My brother had pushed me, saying, “Get a motorbike and you’ll never be sad again, it will fix your depression”. So, I got a motorbike, had two crashes in my first three weeks, but none since. It puts a grin on my face every time I go out and ride. I like playing tennis as well, it’s my big hobby and passion. I’ve done some coaching. Socially, I played a lot, and that’s one area I notice my anxiety, funnily enough. I would love being out there playing tennis, but it was between the start of the warm ups; the beginning where we weren’t taking it seriously and when we’d be chatting to our team mates. That was another area that drew my anxiety in. After the match, we’d chill out, eat pizza, drink beer, and again, I’d find everyone talking about AFL, which I didn’t follow at the time. How do I fit in with the conversation? Oftentimes I’d sit there, trying to force a conversation that just wasn’t there. That was the wrong approach.
You mentioned you’re heading the direction you want to, what direction is that for you?
Oh boy, there are many things I wished to have achieved by my age. I’m 28 years old and I’m quickly approaching my thirties, which is scary. Obviously, I want to be working full time, have a good social life, friends, dating, and being happy in general. There have been moments over the past years where I have dabbled in full time work and dating. I started dating two and half to three years ago, which was interesting. Everybody talks about how going on a date is really nerve racking, but when I first started dating, I started with online dating sites. I’d chat to people, feel comfortable, then think, “Why not go on a date?” Then I went on some dates, and it didn’t feel that bad. It’s just chatting to a person. Maybe there wasn’t much flirting, which is why the nerves weren’t there. It’s been tough to see someone I like regularly. Obviously, I can’t hide my anxiety or depression, and lack of past relationships bothered them a lot. It’s been challenging to overcome being judged by others for what I haven’t experienced, but I’m getting there.
Those you’re dating, do they tend to turn away from you after you’re open about your mental illness?
Yes, they certainly do or they might. I could be assuming, but it’s clear from their body language when I have mentioned it. This is a mistake I made earlier on in dating; opening up about my mental health too soon. Obviously, you don’t want to spill that stuff when you first meet someone, which I have done once or twice on a first date. Anyway, lesson learnt. Now I get signals from them when they find out about my mental illness. They’d say things like, “Oh okay, I don’t want to be with this guy”, and I don’t hear from them again. Other times, I’d be talking to them about what I’m going through, and then they wouldn’t want to see me anymore. They wouldn’t say that directly, but they would ease me off, putting me in a dark place again. I’ve dated enough to pick up when it’s an issue for them. It’s not an issue for everyone though, there have been some that have been accepting of it, at least initially.
Do you think this says more about their character then it does about yours?
I rate my resolve as very strong, from what I’ve been through. My mental health struggles have made me a really strong person, being able to push through all kinds of pain and barriers through life. You can’t please everyone, that’s the main thing to understand. You can’t afford to think, “I’m not good enough because I have a mental health illness”. With enough good traits, it won’t bother them. If you can be happy, chirpy and social, they should see past it. I dated someone once, and mentioning it to them, they said to me, “I didn’t even notice any of that, you’re making an issue of something that’s not even there”. Yet, at the same time, because I mentioned it, that was a problem for her. Sometimes you can shoot yourself in the foot. You just have to live life normally and not overthink things. Everyone that has been in this situation can relate with overthinking and anxiety. Just live life and enjoy it.
Do you think your mind can sometimes be your worst enemy?
Yes, absolutely. My overthinking nature. I just need to get on with life as best as I can. Don’t think about it, do what you need to do each day to get by, do what you want to enjoy your life as you should. We’re not living life to get by, we’re living to enjoy ourselves. If that means having great friends around you, going travelling, having great hobbies and sports that you love to participate in, then that’s the way to go.
Why are some people more accustomed to thinking negative thoughts before positive?
I think we have a perfectionist side to us. We want to be the best, and when we don’t achieve that, it really gets to us. It’s easier to see the negatives then the positives. Through seeing my psychologist in the past years, it’s made me realise how powerful negative thinking is on your brain. The narrative of just retraining my brain has gotten to the stage where I can catch my negative thoughts and say “stop, no I’m not going to say that anymore, I’m going to say something positive. It’s not helpful, it’s not going to make me feel any better it’s just going to tear me down”. I’ve gotten good at picking up on a negative thought, stopping it and focusing on the positives. That said, you can certainly go too far with the positive thinking. I’m a bit of a realist, so people saying everything is positive, shiny bright roses and such, I think, “Get real, get out of here.” At the same time, I think it’s better to have a positive outlook, not just for yourself, but others around you. Everyone always says “Don’t be down, it’s no fun being around people like that”. Unfortunately, all of us with a mental health illness have had to be around ourselves and other people in that situation. I think it’s worse when you realise it’s coming from yourself, because you’re the one in that state, and you’re the only one who can truly change that state. With others, you can empathise with them, but you can’t truly help them the way they can themselves.
Describe a day where there is no Anxiety or Depression for you?
It’s an interesting question because for the last year, anxiety hasn’t been something I’ve taken much notice of, specifically speaking of my social anxiety. I feel like it’s pretty much eliminated. Of course, there are situations sometimes that are tricky and socially uncomfortable. I went through phases where my depression or anxiety would take control of me for a couple of months, and phases where I would be happy for a couple of weeks. I try not to think about it too much. At times, I felt content more than happy; days when I’m happy it’s doing activities that I enjoy. I’m an active person who likes to get out and do things, like riding my motorbike or playing tennis. I love playing tennis and improving, getting competitive and playing with mates. Lately I have been staying up late listening to the French Open radio till 3 AM, it’s ridiculous. The Australian Open, Wimbledon on free to air TV, which I watch religiously to the point where I get bored by the end of the tournament. It’s really great, I love getting out and playing tennis with my best mate. It’s annoying when he always beats me. We played in a team regularly for the last year or so which has been really good. He’s a mate of mine from school, and we hadn’t caught up much before since school, so it was a good way to reconnect with him. A support network is really important for people with mental health issues. I had leg surgery a year and a half ago, and boy did that test my resilience. I’m the sort of guy who runs around like crazy, and all of a sudden, I was on crutches for two months. Took me three months after surgery before I could do even the tiniest jog. Took a lot of hard work to get back to where I am now, close enough to normal. I can play tennis competitively, at least in doubles. I would hate to be in a situation, stranded, sitting around, where I can’t do anything about it. For me, in a nutshell, getting outside, playing tennis, riding a motorbike, those are the things that make me happy, as well as going out with friends, seeing friendly faces, and feeling like I belong in society.
Do you think we need these experiences in our lives such as knee surgery to make us become more resilient?
I was really proud of myself after coming through the rehab of my leg surgery because at one point I thought I would never be able to run or play tennis again. I really pushed myself, and eventually one day, at the gym, I ran 10k, and I thought, “Wow, this is it, I’m back!” If I have a down moment, I think about how strong I was getting through that. That said, I wouldn’t call it necessary, but it certainly helps to go through these hard times. It shows what you are made of, and shows you, you are a lot stronger then you think you are. For someone without a mental health illness, I wouldn’t want to be put through it to make myself stronger. I would be content not having it, put it that way.
Do you find it easier socialising with people that have a mental illness or without?
A lot of people in my social circle are aware of my mental illness. It’s definitely a hundred times easier to talk to those who have a mental illness, because they have experienced the same things, and are therefore supportive of it. They know how debilitating it is. I would be reluctant to talk to somebody without a mental illness about my illness, as that would be very hard. I told work about it once, and they said “Life’s tough isn’t it?”, and that was that, even though it had taken me six months to have the courage to say that. When I was in that situation, it forced me to expose myself in the real world. There were times I would isolate myself because I was nervous of going out. Now, I challenge myself thinking, “Right, just challenge yourself and do this thing”. Last year, I went to a nightclub for the first time, and started dancing, which I’ve never done before. I was freaking out at the idea of it. I always wanted to try it out, as I didn’t really go through a party phase when I was 18. It was thanks to a friend through an anxiety and depression group that I went and we did it. I’m so thankful he gave me that extra push, as I don’t think other people would have encouraged me to go. They wouldn’t have understood how difficult it was for me, so it’s good to challenge yourself like that. It’s for my benefit, I can throw myself out there talking to strangers, and have no worries about it. It’s made me a more social than I ever would have been in the past.
Do you find if you are by yourself for several weeks without seeing anyone, it becomes quite crippling?
I live by myself, so I’m aware of being cooped up too much, which makes me think, “Oh shit, this is a crap feeling, I need to call a friend, do something, go out, whatever it is”. A lot of my joy comes from my personal hobbies, which don’t necessarily involve being around lots of other people. I find being around people can be very tiring for me, but that’s improved a lot over the last year. I like to be social, which is something people can misunderstand. They think you’re secluded, that you don’t go out, don’t want to be around people, and are antisocial. That’s a cliché of people with social anxiety. That they are anti-social, and just want to be by themselves, which is absolutely not true. If I notice I haven’t been going out enough, the negative thoughts come out. I remind myself that I need to go out, and need to call a friend and catch up. When I do, I rarely regret it, as they are always happy to see me. It makes me feel better about myself. They say good things about me. When I’m out, my friends tell me, “You have a great smile.” It’s definitely important to break out of that cycle if you’re in that state.
Do you think we, as a society, turn a blind eye to mental health and mental illness?
It’s something people don’t want to talk about, because it’s an uncomfortable topic. It is hidden, you can’t see it, and when someone says, “I’ve got a mental health illness”, people freak out. I told a friend once, and he joked, “Oh, get away from me, you might be contagious”. They just freak out they don’t know what to say. For people without a mental illness, it’s hard to accept that someone might be feeling really down and potentially suicidal, and you think, “There is no way, how can this person be feeling like this that’s not possible”. Well, it’s possible for everyone, even the ones who seem to have everything going for them, you never know. It shows the extent of negative thinking.
What more can we do as a society?
That’s an excellent question. Put a band aid on your head and say you have a sore head haha. Talking about it can’t be a bad thing, that’s for sure. People need more empathy, but I don’t know how we go about doing that. The worst thing that someone can hear, is when someone opens themselves up, to have their thoughts dismissed, is the absolute worst thing. Being blamed by others, which has happened to me. They’ve said to me, “It’s so irresponsible, what about your family; what about your friends?” Well, guess what? When you’re going through mental illness and depression, your only concern is how you feel. You’ve got too much going on, so there is no way you can think about other people. People need to believe and trust what people with mental illness are saying is true, and understand that it’s difficult for them to say it, because of the stigma of mental health. Mental illness is a lot more common than people are willing to recognise, so I don’t know why that’s come about. We need some wise crack people to come up with a solution. The best thing I can say, is to be more understanding and accepting of the fact that it exists in this world, so let’s not hide from it. It’s there, some people have it, so get over yourself, and support them the best you can. Be there for them, and don’t make them feel like crap for having it, or put extra pressure on them.
Do you think we, as a society rely on people to make us feel good about ourselves?
Oh yes, I am guilty of this, and It’s one thing that really bugs me about myself. Sometimes it’s hard for me to be content with myself. I can find all these great hobbies and do all these exciting things, but it’s only good for so long. At some point, you crave acceptance from others, you crave people thinking you’re a great person to be around. We’re social beings, so it’s only natural, but sometimes I do wish I didn’t rely on other people to make me happy. It’s very difficult, and I’m still working on that one.
How are you feeling?
I feel like I’ve been talking a lot, which is fine. You’re interviewing me, so you can’t complain that I’m talking too much, right? I’m actually feeling pretty good. I’m smiling, and I’m out in the city, which means I’m not in my little hell hole at home, feeling depressed. It’s just really good coming out and doing something. Like I said earlier, my main coping strategy is to keep busy, so if I’m going out and seeing a friend, it’s the basic things in life. Don’t think too much and enjoy life, is basically what it comes down to.